The Man of 1000 Ideas

Women always have rules for us. Whether it be emails or articles but never anything from the male side. Now it’s our turn.

• Learn to work the toilet seat - You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Sometimes we’re not thinking about you - Deal with it. Accept it. You’ll be better off for it.
• Saturday = Sports - Not shopping with you and carrying your shit all day. Not spending a day with your dad unless we’re watching sports or going to game.
• Crying is blackmail - Don’t go around trying to exploit us with tears to make you get what you want. It’s not worth the hassle.
• Ask for what you want - Hints in general don’t work. Obvious or subtle. Just say it!
• We don’t remember dates unless they’re sporting events - Get a calender, mark it down, and remind us often.
• Yes and No - These two little words are perfectly acceptable answers to questions. They’re there for your benefit. Don’t be afraid to use them.
• If you have a problem and want our help, then do so - Your girlfriends are there for you to cry on and get sympathy.
• Check your oil! - It is not hard.
• Saving our words - You cannot use something we said six months against us. Hell, something said seven days either. It is inadmissible and we will not accept it or acknowledge it.
• The Fat Question - If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us and we’ll refuse to answer it.
• Interpretation of our word - If we said something and it can make you angry or sad, we meant the other one.
• We look at women - Don’t get angry at us for wandering eyes. It’s genetic.
• Commercials - Say what you have to say during commercials only and let us watch our damn show.
• Christopher Columbus’ dumb ass didn’t need directions - Neither do we and if we did, we have GPS.
• Please don’t ask us about colors - Peach is a fruit. What the fuck is mauve?
• We do not read minds - Never have. Never will.
• “Nothing” - If we ask you what is wrong and you say ,”nothing”, then we’ll be believe you and nothing is wrong. This coincides wit the previous rule.
• When we’re going out - Anything you wear is fine unless it makes you look like Nicki Minaj.
• YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
• YOU HAVE ENOUGH SHOES.
• Quizzes - It is in no ones interest to take one.  Together or separate.
• We like beer - You have purses. We have beer.

And we’ll probably be sleeping on the couch tonight but that’s fine. We like it anyway.

This past weekend I worked Bamboozle. Before this weekend, I had never heard of it. There’s just so many  music festivals around the US alone, then there’s no way you can hear them all. Anyway, I worked the VIP section which was next to the main stage so I got to see every performance. Here’s my review of the Main Stage performances.

Friday, May 18th

• 5.25 - 5.55: Mike Posner - He was okay. He performed all his hits; Bow Chicka Wow Wow, Cooler Than Me, and his cover of Adele’s Rolling in the Deep. He’s pretty much coasting on being a pretty boy.
• 6.10 - 6.40: We Came As Romans - I don’t remember their performance which shows you the kind of impression they made on me.
• 6.55 - 7.40: Mac Miller - He was legit. There was some problems with his mic but he got it in. He was the first artist that I’ve heard of but never listened to whom I’m now gonna start listening to his stuff.
• 8.00 - 9.00: Incubus - I’ve never really been a fan and that’s only because I prefer Rage Against the Machine over them. The crowd seemed to enjoy them.
• 9.30 - 11.00: Skrillex - I’ve been working a lot of dub-step concerts and they’ve been bumpin’ and Skrillex was no different. The lights and lasers and whole show was just crazy.

Saturday, May 19th

• 2.05 - 2.35:This Good Robot- Meh.
• 2.50 - 3.20:The Maine- I really enjoyed them. There music was great and they were just really awesome to listen to. I definitely will be getting their stuff.
• 3.35 - 4.05:Never Shout Never- They were okay. A little weird but who wants to be normal.
• 4.20 - 5.00: The All American Rejects - One of my favorite bands and the first true band I was looking forward to. As with all bands, you gotta perform the hits and they were now different. I loved it.
• 5.15 - 6.00: Jimmy Eat World-  Fun!
• 6.15 - 7.10:My Chemical Romance- They were awesome. They were really the warmup for the Foo Fighters and they got the crowd ready to go.
• 7.30 - 9.30:Foo Fighters- WOW!!! For my first time seeing them perform, they were FANTASTIC!!! Dave Grohl is a monster. They had to end early because Lorne Michaels decided they should come to SNL and play. Foo Fighters were awesome.

Sunday, May 20th

• 2.10 - 2.35:Marianas Trench- A punk band from Canada. Obviously, the young girls heard of them. I could’ve cared less about them.
• 2.55 - 3.35: Boys Like Girls - I enjoyed them as well. They’re definitely on my must listen to list.
• 3.55 - 4.35:Sammy Adams- Some white rapper with a DJ who got better as he kept going.
• 4.55 - 5.35:Buckcherry- Rock n’ Roll, cocaine, Crazy Bitch.
• 5.55 - 6.55:The Gaslight Anthem- They were amazing. Beyond amazing. They’re Jersey boys, the better kind and loved coming back home. You could hear it in the their voices and their music. They’re on the list.
• 7.15 - 8.15:Brand New- I wasn’t really paying attention because I was busy. Sorry.
• 8.45 - 11.00:BON JOVI- The headliner. Firstly, I’ve never seen so many woman over the age of 40 in one place. I mean , DAMN! With over 40,000 people on the boardwalk, more than half had to be women. Anyway, for the past 30 years, Bon Jovi has worked a crowd and Sunday was no different. They put on a show. They rocked the house. All the hits. Livin’ on a Prayer, Runaway, Dead or Alive, You Give Love a Bad Name, It’s My Life, etc. They were a great closing act.

Bamboozle was a blast and hopefully I’ll be seeing them next year.

whatshouldwecallme:

Truth